Do you ever have the sense that some places are more alive than others? Or that certain products create a joyful experience for the user, and that others generate frustration?

The Timeless Way of Building tells us how to create things that feel alive. 

Processes create things which feel alive. Force of will does not.

“We have come to think of [things] as ‘creations’ — thought out, conceived entire, designed. To give birth to such a whole seems like a monumental task: it requires that the creator think, from nothing, and give birth to something whole: it is a vast task, forbidding, huge. [The result] relies ultimately on the ego of the creator.”

Life, and things which feel alive, cannot be created like this.

For example: “An organism cannot be made. It cannot be conceived, by a willful act of creation, and then built, according to the blueprint of the creator. It is far too complex, far too subtle, to be born from a bolt of lightning in the creator’s mind. It has a thousand billion cells, each one adapted perfectly to its conditions — and this can only happen because the organism is not ‘made’ but generated by a process which allows the gradual adaptation of these cells to happen hour by hour. If you want to create a living flower, you don’t build it physically, with tweezers, cell by cell. You grow it from the seed. [The complexity which is essential to its life] cannot happen unless each part is at least partly autonomous, so that it can adapt to the local conditions in the whole. But of course, autonomous creation of the parts, if taken by itself, will produce chaos. What makes a flower whole, at the same time that all its cells are more or less autonomous, is the genetic code, which guides the process of the individual parts, and makes a whole of them.”

I know that many people are leery of process. As well they should be. Processes can create death as well as life. Many processes in our world are created out of fear. These processes are designed to control, and because of this they will end up creating things that are not alive.

You may be afraid that rules prevent you from being free and creative. In fact, the very opposite is true. “Remember English. It would be ridiculous to say that the rules of English in your head restrict your freedom. When you say something, you say it in English; and even though you may sometimes be frustrated by what cannot be said, still, when you speak you have no wish to be free of the rules. The rules of English make you creative because they save you from having to bother with meaningless combinations of words. The rules of English steer you away from the vast number of nonsensical sentences, and towards the smaller–though still vast–number of sentences which make sense; so that you can pour all your effort into the finer shades of meaning.”

What living processes are important in the things you do? I’d love to hear from you.

I know you’re all curious, so I won’t keep you waiting. Here’s what the participants of the Stranger Experiment thought of it:

It’s kind of cool to see what sort of things people are interested in finding out. Thanks for putting in the effort of organizing such a cool experiment!

I actually still have an ongoing conversation going with one person, even though neither of us could help directly with our original requests, we happened to have knowledge or experiences in regard to some other random stuff that kept the conversation going.

It seems really useful in a couple of ways… it offers a rather unique way to try to track down information and resources for stuff that maybe isn’t all that straightforward to find. Today it’s like everybody’s answer to everything is to “google it” but that doesn’t always work for a lot of things. While the results can be hit-or-miss, this offers the unique chance that you may just stumble across someone who can actually help with those more complicated or specific quests.

It’s also a rather unique approach to social networking. I think the downside to a lot of the mainstream social networking resources out there is that nothing really encourages you to meet complete strangers other than usually superficial reasons (like seeing how many MySpace “friends” you can get… even though you might not have exchanged more than a couple of comments with each person). This actually provides a purpose to meeting other people–you’re actually trying to help folks out, and even if it ends up that you can’t help each other with the original goal, you might at least make some interesting connections in the process. -j.m

[It's] a new angle on traditional types of dating / social networking sites. -j.d.

It was interesting. I’ve found myself telling other people about your site. -a.m.

The conversations were very helpful. Eric and I are collaborating very strong together. -k.r.

Although it was not successful in that I did not find what I was seeking, I think it is a great way to potentially meet others that I might not have come in contact with otherwise. If you have something similar in the future let me know! -j.d.

I did not ask for any friends’ help, but I did tell each requestor that I knew people who might be able to help, described the type of help they might get, and offered to make introductions if they were interested. -m.k.

I am still chatting with one person as he seems to be a very interesting guy. -c.f.

I think it’s a great thing you have going. All three of my conversations were very helpful and it was definitely a great way to get in touch with people that before, you had no idea how to find. Hope to see this project continue. -b.k.

It was exciting when I got an email and I enjoyed the process when I was able to help or knew someone who could help. I think that having a conversation with anyone you do not know opens you to new and different experiences and complimentary perspectives you may not find otherwise. -e.s.

I got a few leads, about 3 were helpful. People were really helpful overall. I felt like others were as excited as I was about the experiment. -k.c.

In general it seems that some people felt it worked really well for them, and although many people didn’t find exactly what they were looking for, they felt the experiment was interesting and worthwhile.

One suggestion came up a few times- to have people identify what their background and interests are. Then the requests could be more specifically targeted to a group of people that are likely to be helpful.

Thanks to everyone who participated! And congratulations to Kim who is the lucky winner of the Best Buy gift card!

Now that the final round of emails for the Stranger Experiment have gone out, I thought you might have fun reading what’s on people’s minds these days. If you could ask a random stranger for help with something, with no fear of rejection, what would you ask for? Here’s what the folks participating in the Stranger Experiment came up with:

1. I want to meet someone who teaches adults how to perfect their swimming strokes for the purpose of more efficient lap-swimming– and who will give inexpensive private lessons in Brookfield or Wauwatosa. -t.t.
2. I want to meet a college girl who has experience babysitting, comes with references, and is available daytimes or evenings and can drive to my house in Whitefish Bay. -e.d.
3. I want to meet George W. Bush. -k.s.
4. I want to sell and deliver my interpersonal skills training, which was written specifically for the IT personality type. -s.t.
5. I want to meet people who rehab or resell foreclosed houses. -k.c.
6. I want to meet a genius online marketer who has taken some website(s) from zero to millions of hits per month. -a.c.
7. I want to meet someone from Sheboygan who will go to the taste of chicago with me in july. -d.e.
8. I want to meet someone else who is interested in learning more about practicing yoga. -e.s.
9. I want to share my interest and experience with worm composting with others who might be interested in it. -d.k.
10. I want to meet people who can give me firsthand (or close to it) information about the US Coast Guard so I can make a decision on which job and station I want to sign on to. -b.s.
11. I want to meet someone in the Milwaukee area who works fulltime as a freelancer. Doesn’t really matter what exactly it is that they do. I just want to talk to someone who freelances fulltime because it’s something I’ve considered and have questions about. -b.k.
12. I want to meet community minded folk that like to serve youth. -k.r.
13. I want to meet someone interested and very serious about forming a web/graphic design company. -e.s.
14. I want to record a hit single with Eminem. -m.w.
15. I want to meet someone who can mentor me and help me grow and hold me accountable. -k.f.
16. I want to meet someone who worked for Delco Electronics between 1970 and 1995. -d.g.
17. I want to share my media with someone new! -d
18. I want to meet someone who is involved with marketing communications/advertising for the Milwaukee Brewers baseball team, or any other major or minor league sports team. -a.m.
19. I want to meet Aaron Lewis (of Staind). -c.f.
20. I want to find someone to sit with me and teach me the basics of CSS. -k.c.
21. I want to meet someone who has successfully outsourced a big portion of their small business to India. -s.j.
22. I want to meet someone (a woman) who wants to go for a walk in Milwaukee. -j.d.
23. I want to create an economical live/work space for inspired living, private practice, and dynamic workshops. -k.t.
24. I want to meet someone who could offer useful advice on finding job opportunities for ex-pat Americans in the Netherlands, Belgium, and/or Luxembourg. -j.m.
25. I want to meet a man who plays musical instruments and shares the same passion for music that I do. -b.h.
26. I want to meet someone who can help me learn more about PhotoShop! -j.d.
27. I want to meet someone to practice Japanese with. (Face-to-face in Milwaukee is best, but online could work too.) -m.k.
28. I want to meet someone who can tell me about Flash developer internship opportunities. -t.c.
29. I want to meet someone who can affordably create and write a monthly newsletter for a business I’m starting. -r.r.
30. I want the war to end! -h.l.

Wow! What great variety!

Surveys are out to the participants right now, and I’ll post again soon with the results to let you know how well the experiment worked for everyone.

Money is nothing more than a symbol. As best I can tell, it can be a symbol for four things:

1. Power
2. Greed
3. Indebtedness
4. Value you created for others

Everyone’s heard the saying “money is power.” But the converse is true, too: “power grabs money.” If you are in a position of power, you have the ability to attract more money your way. The executives at Enron had a lot of power and were able to dupe millions of people into sending money their way.

Money can also represent greed. Some people can get addicted to money for its own sake. Maybe you’ve heard these people say that the amount of money they make is just a scorecard for how well they are playing the game.

Debt. If you are in debt your money is telling you that you have taken more than you have given. This isn’t a good place to be. This is the place where people take advantage of you. Creditors charge you money (high interest rates) simply for being here. As long as you are indebted, you are not free. Your life is reduced to making the next set of bills.

Ideally, money should represent value you have created for others.

Perhaps one of the easiest examples of this to understand is to pretend that you are an inventor. You have invented an engine that uses half the gas of a normal car engine. People who buy cars with your engine will save hundreds of dollars in fuel costs every year. The value of your invention is at least equal to the amount of money people save in gas over the life of their car. You would feel completely happy taking money from people to give them your engine because you know that it is helping them. Every sale you made would make you feel good because you know that you created something valuable. Wouldn’t this be a nice place to be in? The more money you made, the happier you would be because your income is a symbol for something valuable you created that people are enjoying the benefits of!

If you don’t like looking at your life critically, click on dear blog reader, because what I’m about to say will almost certainly be uncomfortable.

How would you feel if your boss talked to you today and said that effective immediately your salary was going to be doubled? Probably pretty good at first! But after a while, would you get worried? Would you feel that you would have to work twice as hard to deserve your new salary?

If not, congratulations! You might have a raise on the way. First, do some investigation. “Why am I not making as much money as I think I should be?” If you don’t find a good answer, go ask your boss for a raise! You feel that your work is being undervalued, and you will be resentful until you are earning what you feel you should.

But I think the other case is pretty common, too. A lot of people feel that money is dirty and that being rich is bad. You might not feel your work is valuable if this is the case.

Most of your life consists of work. If you feel your work is not valuable then it’s very easy for you to feel like you don’t deserve to be rich. And it’s also easy for you to feel that your life is less valuable than it could be. Is this the case for you? Then it’s time to take a long hard look at how you earn your living.

Maybe you feel your work is menial or pointless. You have a couple of options in this case. 1. Look hard and find the meaning in your work (Read The Five People You Meet In Heaven.)  2. Create meaning in your work (Ask others for help.)  3. Find new work that’s better aligned to your unique interests (Write down what your dream job would look like. Share it with others. See what happens.)

So, I’m not saying quit your job. You might decide that the work you’re doing is perfectly valuable but that some other factors in your work are missing. Maybe you’re not having fun at work. Then it’s time to figure out how to create some fun in your work. Maybe you feel that there are some different contributions you could be making that you aren’t. Then it’s time to start making those contributions. You will feel happier about your work and your life, and you’ll probably get a raise. And there’s nothing wrong with making lots of money!

If you have done something valuable for humanity, then you have every right to be richly rewarded.

Do something valuable! Enjoy your work! Go get rich! I want you to be!

The Stranger Experiment is going great! My biggest thanks to the 25+ participants. I hope you are making useful (or at least interesting) connections.

It’s not too late to join in the fun. The Stranger Experiment connects random people together with the idea that anyone can be your potential collaborator. See my previous post for more information.

I believe our seemingly separate lives are more richly interconnected than we think. Just last week, I saw the small world effect at work again for the gazillionth time. My roommate met my friend from Chicago for the first time. They soon discovered that they had both recently worked on projects in the same tiny town in rural Pennslyvania 500 miles away!

So, who’s ready for a little adventure? Here’s my experiment: I want to see if a stranger can (and will) help you with something that you want.

It’ll go something like this:

Steps

1. Think of something that you want. Be specific, and phrase it as one of the following:
   I want to meet …
   I want to create …
   I want to share …
   
2. Send your request to me:
   strangers@talk-to-strangers.com
3. I will forward your request to six random people who are also playing along, asking them if they will be able to help you. If someone is able to help, I will put them in direct contact with you.
4. I’ll follow up with you in one month to see how things went!

Commitments

Try to keep these commitments as you participate:

• hold the belief that building relationships is the first step to getting what you want
• hold the belief that when you help someone, it will come back to you
• be open to the fact that the first person you talk to might not be able to directly help you, but that they probably know someone that can
• Have fun!

Notes

• be prepared to receive 6 emails from me over the next month
  (on the flip side, this means up to six people could help you)

I’ve been waffling for awhile on starting this blog, but I came across something the other day that I NEEDED to share. So, here we go. Let’s kick this blog off with a bang!

My friends Jim and Michele McCarthy have been studying team work for over 10 years. Not studying in the sense of reading a bunch of books, but studying as in getting their hands dirty and working with real-life teams. Over time, they have identified a series of best practices for creating high performance teams. Lucky for us, they share this good stuff with us in a regular podcast.

Here’s what got me excited the other day.

How to get your boss’s support on something you want

1. Find some peers who agree with you on something that needs to get done, or about a new idea
2. Go to the boss as a group. Tell him:
   “Hello boss! We unanimously support the following idea… <state your idea>
   “Do you have any better ideas?”
3. The boss probably won’t have a better idea, so you ask him:
   “So, can we count on you for support?”
4. Your boss wants you to get good things done, so he will most likely say “Yes!”  -or-
   your boss may need the support of his bosses, in which case you start working on getting his peers to join your cause. Then your boss goes with his peers to the next higher level up, just as you did in step #2.

Hearing this process was a “well, duh” moment for me, not because it is common practice, but because it isn’t common practice and makes so much sense. 

I also like how this process builds on top of a lot of the other good ideas that the McCarthy’s share: use teams to do hard things, focus on ideas (not people), and build consensus from the ground up.

There’s additional information in the podcast, so check it out.

Learn more:

• listen to the episode where Jim & Michele introduce this idea
• Introduction to Jim & Michele’s work
• All McCarthy Show podcasts

Hey, you made it! This is the end (and beginning) of the blog.

If you’re reading backward, here are some things you could do now:

• comment on your favorite posts
• subscribe to the RSS feed (I like rssfwd)
• drop me a line (tim [at] talk-to-strangers)

If you’re reading forward:

Welcome! This is the weblog for my company, Talk To Strangers. My original idea was to build a new online dating website. That’s morphed a bit over the months. We’ll get into that later. But I really want this website to be for you, the designers and developers of community centered websites. I’ll share a few new tricks up my sleeves, and talk about conversation centric design.

So, stay tuned/thanks for reading!

My dictionary defines “devil’s advocate” as “one who argues against a cause or position, not as a committed opponent but simply for the sake of argument or to determine the validity of the cause or position.”

I overhead a co-worker today talking about a discussion he had with project managers- “I played devil’s advocate and lost.”

Read the rest of this entry »

Of course, by now, you know that you are supposed to add “in bed” to the end of your fortune cookie fortune. My co-worker got a really funny fortune from Happy Wok the other day. I swear they made this one up for “in bed” on purpose:

Don’t force it, use the proper tool.